- Right after you get your mullet cut, you’ll find a post like this on the wall of your Facebook account, “Hey [your name here], how is your mullet? Tell him I said hi.” This can be emotionally damaging, especially if you are still in the first few hours of adjusting to a mulletless life.
- The large number of old men with mullets who frequent the mall will suddenly become apparent to you. And even worse, you will find yourself looking covetously at them. Not only is this distracting to the people you are shopping/eating/killing time with but it is also just plain weird.
- The back of your neck will no longer be protected from the elements by long locks of beautiful hair. Not only does this take time to adjust to, but it also creates a sense of vulnerability in ones soul – trust me, I know.
- Following the stream of thought from reason #3, you now have to make sure that you thoroughly wash the back of your neck as it is no longer hidden from the eyes of a watching world (this is not meant to assert that people with mullets do not wash the back of their necks; however, it is meant to warn the individual who is considering the removal of their mullet, that were they to forget to wash the back of their neck some morning, they would not have their mullet to cover up that mistake).
- Beautiful mullets are a rare thing, by cutting off your mullet you will be conforming to the standard of this anit-mullet world… which, by the way, is violating a command of Scripture (don’t believe me? see Romans 12:1-2).
- In the same way a simple haircut adversely affected Sampson; the loss of your mullet can significantly damage, or even destroy, your self-esteem, your relationship with God and your will to live.
Therefore, in view of these observations, I would like to postulate that if you currently have a mullet, it would be in both your best interests and the best interests of all of humanity for you to keep it.